Chakra is a c-word

So myque and I go to the metaphysical expo at the Allentown Fairgrounds.

Great fun was had by the two of us.

Myque wants me to get my aura photographed. I tell her I have no desire for her to see my weary old aura displayed by Kirlian photography. People like her can see it anyway, so what's the point?

Nope. Must do so I can see my aura and my chakras. Ok, as long as it doesn't involve trying to see my genitals with a handmirror I'm in.

So we go to this place run by these two guys from Niagara Falls (I theorize it's by way of Brooklyn and Odessa). We're laughing and talking and having a great time.

Myque blows out their camera.

Twice.

Sigh. I knew it.

Tall guy finally gets his camera working while I test my hypothesis with his co-worker by pushing out the conversational pawn of "pierogies." Ha! Successful opening move. He lit up when I told him they sold pierogies at this venue (true) and he asked all the appropriate pierogi cognoscenti questions as to fillings, fried-or-boiled, and of course, is there sour cream available?

So myque's been photographed and now it's my turn.

There's a brief wait while the photos are being developed and our chakra analyses are chugging out of the printer. Myque says she had hers done last year and has been working on improving certain areas. Tall guy says his hasn't changed in years, he is what he is, and is impressed that someone would have the focus to make specific improvements.

I look at myque's write-up when it comes out and it describes her to a "T." If you had 50 of these printouts you'd pick that one out as hers without hesitation. Her aura photograph is probably going to be used in an illustrated Bardo Thodol as level seven.

Me? Mine is a chakra disaster of Dostoevskian proportions. My life energy chakra is so minute as to be almost invisible. The next two are not even the right color. Instead of being round globes of color, they are misshapen and broken, full of holes, except for the heart chakra which is far too large and full. Myque looks at it and doesn't say a word, but I know her and the "I knew it but it's worse than I thought" flash I got was telling enough. I give it to pierogie man and ask him to tell me what it means. He looks at the photo, pauses....and says, look, I don't know you, so [various ethnic shoulder shrugs and hand gestures that I understand to mean ok, lady, don't blame me] I will just tell you what I see. You have no energy. You are physically and psychically depleted almost completely. This is not good. I don't know you, and I don't know what you do for a living, but you hate it and are unhappy. Your heart is enormous and you are full of love and giving. You have dreams and plans but you have no faith at all in yourself at this time.

Dammit.

Did you know you can google "chakra repair" and get 576,000 hits?